Thank you sun for sneaking in and waking me so gently. Your warmth, your light, your consistency, and dependability reminds me of who I want to be.
Thank you bed, thank you pillow for holding me through the night, cradling my body and my head and giving me the gift of rest.
Thank you dreams for propelling me onward, for reminding me there is more to do, for giving my imagination free range to roam.
Thank you coffee for your warmth and that morning ritual that gives me the time and space to find my bearings and wake on my own terms.
Thank you hot shower and running water for rinsing yesterday off me and letting me start anew. Your forgiveness of the past and embracing of the present helps me to own my day.
Thank you razor for not cutting my skin but for cleansing my face of yesterdays remnants. With your sharp edge, you remind to be present, and gentle with myself.
Thank you mirror for giving me the joy of seeing my smiling face looking back at me. Because of you I know I am a work...
Why am I always looking for more, better, bigger, faster?
Why am I challenging myself? Trying to learn new tools, stretching my boundaries, questioning my assumptions?
Why is it that I am willing to throw away what is certain for the chance of something that might be better?
Is it blind faith, misguided hope, or something else?
I like to think that it is simply untapped potential.
I can’t tell you how many times in school my teacher had to say to me that I wasn’t living up to my potential. It always got under my skin. Rubbed me the wrong way. Made me question how I was showing up, what my potential was, and how she knew I wasn’t reaching it.
I mean after all, what is potential? It’s not a certainty. It’s not definite. It’s not without doubt. It’s just a big maybe. Maybe you can do more. Maybe you can be bigger. Maybe there’s something else out there for you, that you are more well-suited to.
Whatever it is, I find...
I had always been afraid.
Afraid of what people thought of me
Afraid of being a failure
Afraid of being a success
I was petrified of looking stupid
Especially in front of women
And that fear held me hostage.
Held me back.
Held me captive.
One night on a date
We found ourselves in a karaoke bar
She was on edge
Hoping I would get up and sing for her
But the fear kept me seated
I wanted to.
But I couldn’t break free.
I never saw her after that night
It was all my fault
And I learned my lesson
I forced myself
To get on that stage
It took weeks, but I did it.
Standing on that stage
The microphone in hand
The crowd drunk and easy to please
I let myself be free
I gave the fears away
I sang with all my heart
And surprised even myself
It got easier after that
And each time I stepped on stage
I cared a little less
About what people thought
About whether I would fail
About whether I would succeed
About whether I looked foolish
The answer to all was yes
But it didn’t really matter
I was free
When I got dressed this morning, pulled on that nice shirt, those clean pants, those silly socks… I wanted to look good. But I didn’t do it for you. I did it for me.
I like the way I feel when I look good. When I know that my clothes match. It’s not about how you see me, it’s not about having someone stop me on the road and say “oh my God you’re picture perfect”, it’s not so that I get compliments and people ask me where I buy those shoes… It’s just for me. How it makes me feel inside. How I hold myself up when I know I look good.
When I walked into work today, ready to go, coffee in hand, prepared for my day with my checklist of items that needed to be accomplished, when I satisfied all your needs quickly and then stepped up for other tasks, I wanted you to be happy. I wanted you to know that I was a good worker and was going to take care of you. But I didn’t do it for you. I did it for me.
I like the job I do, the...