Tonight, I got put face to face with a past version of myself. This man, stuck in his story, was busy manifesting in the wrong direction. He has been successful in his life, but at this point in time, he is at a loss on how to move forward. I know this place. I know this man. He is me.
When I have found myself in a hole, I am always the first man to beat myself up. To blame myself for where I am. To berate and deride each and every accomplishment I have made… each and every positive decision…. each and every step towards a solution. I will bash myself over the head for every mistake, and swear I’ll never get on the right track.
They say if you’re in a hole, and you want to get out, the first step is… STOP DIGGING!!!!
It seems like simple advice. Good, easy to follow words of wisdom…. but most people (myself included) find it hard to know when they are digging themselves in deeper. Or better yet, how to stop.
Our stories become us. They define our experiences and our realities. Our struggles make our lives more real. Or do they? We’ve all been there. In a rut… telling ourselves over and over again how bad it is.. that it can’t possibly get worse… but then it does. We create our stories as we go along, and we become trapped by them and we recreate them over and over again. But it doesn’t have to be that way.
Step 1: Acknowledge your Story Take a moment, and identify that story. If it helps, write it down, or say it out loud…. It might sound like this:
I am Dylan Stewart. I am 37 years old. When I was 9 my parents separated. I was forced to become an adult, and at that point my life and my future was decided. I would be the grown-up. The parent to my own parents… the parent to my younger brother… the parent to myself. Throughout high-school I was a geek, a loser, a loner. I struggled to make friends. I struggled to meet women. I was a part of the clique known as “The Smart Kids”. I graduated, and went on to college…
I’m Sick of it already… aren’t you? I’ve heard it a million times. I used to enjoy telling it to myself. I used to love hearing it, and seeing the reactions that it got from those around me. What a WASTE of BREATH!!!! And breath is precious. It is finite. One day, you WILL breathe your last breath… how many more do you want to waste on YOUR STORY?
Step 2: Let it Go It sounds like a hard thing to do, but it’s not… if you wrote your story on a piece of paper BURN IT, CRUMBLE IT, THROW IT AWAY!!!! If you wrote it on a computer, DELETE the file. If you spoke it out loud, VOW that it will be THE LAST TIME you do that.
It’s time to define the story you want…. not the one you were born into. Not the one you’ve been trapped by. Not the one that has KEPT YOU ASLEEP FOR YEARS.
State Your Limitations… AND THEY’RE YOURS!!!!
Step 3: Imagine and Create Your New Story Now comes the fun part. And this can be done in an unlimited number of ways. I’ll give you some ideas and suggestions, but be creative. Make it yours. If you have a way that works for you, share it in the comments… the life you inspire might be your own…..
Tomorrow morning set your alarm extra early. You must be the first one awake. If you live alone, this is easy. If you have a family, beat them all to the coffee pot. Keep a notepad or a laptop or a voice recorder (or whatever) by your bedside… and the moment your feet hit the floor, pick it up, and state 3 things you are grateful for.
1) I am grateful for music 2) I am grateful for my family 3) I am grateful for this life
If you feel inspired, keep writing. 5, 10, 20 things. Whatever you want to do.
Then, find yourself a quiet place you can be focused and uninterrupted for the next 30 minutes… bring your pad, or something you can use to take notes. I like listening to music when I do this. Other people like to be in nature. Some people like to take a jog or a run or do exercise first. Some people meditate first… whatever works for you. When you are in the right frame of mind, start to imagine your life in 5 years. Where do you live? What do you drive? Who are you surrounded by? What do you do for a living?
What INSPIRES YOU?
You can write it down, you can draw it out, you can clip pictures from magazines and paste them on a vision board, you can use Photoshop… but you cannot just do it in your head. You must somehow make it physical. Make it concrete. MAKE IT REAL!!!
It takes as long as it takes. If you run out of time, come back to it later. Give it love. Give it focus. Give it ATTENTION!!!
And when it’s done, put it somewhere you will see it every morning.
This works. I have seen it change lives. I have seen it save families. I have seen it make money appear out of nowhere. I have seen it bring more love into people’s lives. I have seen it change everything. But first, you must BELIEVE that it can all change. You must believe that you are worthy of the life you dream of. You must believe in YOU!!!!!
Step 4: Start Living Your Dreams
Each day is a new opportunity to move forward. If you slip, that’s ok, we all do. I know I have slipped and continue to struggle some days. Like anything worthwhile it takes time and practice. It is a process. But it is possible.
If you have a hard time on a particular day, here is what works for me
Turn on random shuffle on your ipod or itunes, and play it LOUD!!!!! Go for a run, or a walk, or do pushups or whatever it takes to get you breathing heavy. Sit quiet and focus on your breath. Change your pattern. Take a different route to work. Eat something different for breakfast. Start a conversation with someone random. Spend some time with your pet. Kiss or hug someone.
And my personal favorite: DRESS THE PART!!!!
There’s a great scene in the Steve Martin movie MY BLUE HEAVEN… (and no, I’m not a Steve Martin fanatic or anything, but like the last post, it’s the most appropriate example).
In the movie, Steve Martin is trying to get Rick Moranis character out of a depression, and he takes him shopping for an expensive suit. Custom tailored and gorgeous. It’s not cheap, but when he wears it, Rick’s character stands different. He holds himself different. You can tell he feels different…. and Steve tells him “You see, the wardrobe is a symbol of how you are… you follow me? … Listen to me, it’s very hard for a human being to change. I know this. I am an expert on this. So, sometimes in order for a human being to change you have to change from the outside – IN.”
It’s true. Put on a nice shirt and slacks, even a tie if you need to, or a nice dress, or whatever makes you feel sharp. Look in the mirror… how do you feel?
Are you ready to start your new life now? THEN GET GOING!!!!!
It’s like the old SNL character Fernando used to say, “You look maahvelous… and it is more important to look good than to feel good!”
Just take the first step, and fake it until you make it.
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